#and that's fine chill i am not burning to death and i'm grateful for that love it

[i-luvsang]

need to not have my mom sit next to me while i'm writing fanfic thank you very much

[arjudy224]

Cobblepot's Cabana

Summary: Working for Oswald Cobblepot has its perks. Mr. Cobblepot always gives out Christmas and summer bonuses, you get excellent health insurance... However, working at a pool owned by one of Batman rogues can put you at odds with the Caped Crusader himself. One day, the Riddler and Killer Croc team up to defeat Batman. This team endeavor doesn't work out the way they expected.

Lifeguard POV:

There wasn’t any mention of how to handle situations like this during the certification. Teenage boys doing back flips into the shallow end? Yes. Nose bleeds? Of course. Clocking into work to find the Gotham knight fighting not one, but two of his rogues on the pool deck? Absolutely not. Nothing could have prepared me to witness the all out brawl that was occurring during my shift. Or the fact that Killer Croc’s tail defensively slapped the Riddler, Batman, and Robin into the pool. Tyler hands me the lifeguard tube with a sly smile.

“Good luck with that. I’m going to go pee.”

If I wasn’t so concerned for the teenage vigilante getting his face pushed underwater by a crocodile, that would have been incredibly annoying.

Staring at the drowning quartet, I am faced with a dilemma.

Do I get paid enough for this? (No)

Would interrupting the feud end with my imminent death? (Probably)

Poor Eddie Nygma flails desperately against the waves made by Killer Croc and Batman wrestling. For such an intelligent guy, one would have assumed he would at least know how to doggy paddle... One would be wrong. Every time the man, known to the rest of the world as the Riddler, touches the water... He sinks. It's honestly impressive how quickly he can reach the bottom of the pool. His panicked green eyes cause my heart to swell.

Dammit... Fine.

Within moments, I plunge into the icy water. Of course today of all days Cobblepot would turn the temperature down for dramatic effect. Fighting against Killer Croc's waves, I lunge for Eddie first. Avoiding his panicked limbs, I shove the buoy flush against his chest. Eddie clings onto the life preserver with a grateful gaze as I meet a face full of salt water.

My eyes burn from the impact. Resurfacing a few feet away, the vigilante/ crocodilian brawl somehow managed to turn on the manual waves. I watch in disbelief as Eddie gets pulled in their direction. His feverishly pale skin and blue lips chill me to my core.

"Oh.. No you don't!" I gasp struggling against the current. Another wave pushes me under. Stay calm. You've done this before. Opening my eyes, my heart stops when I register what I am face to face with.

Void like black eyes stare emotionless in my direction. With skin so grey and smooth, I'm almost tempted to run my hand across. However, the hundreds of sharp teeth keep me at bay. There's a shark in the pool, King Shark, to be exact... and he's not happy about the wrestling match going on above. Typical Gotham. Funny enough, I checked the attendance log this morning. Nanaue canceled his membership months ago, but that's none of my business.

From the corner of my eye, I vaguely make out the faint outline of the drowning boy wonder. The kid’s head is above water for now, but the heavy plated Robin suit cannot be easy to swim in.

Sometimes, King Shark confuses the lifeguards for poolside snacks. Easy mistake really. Cobblepot had warned us previously of the last guard who got eaten. Unzipping my fanny pack, I fumble for my saving grace: a small tuna packet from my morning lunch. Offering it to the shark, I await his response. That must have been the right move because a smile emerges with hundreds of teeth barring all at once.

Pressure and panic spreads throughout my body from the lack of oxygen. Crawling to the surface, my lungs gasp for air while I assess the current situation. Eddie's conscious, yet even with the raft his lips are still tinged with blue from his underwater adventure. Robin's fighting with less vigor than before. He doesn't have much time. Killer Croc is in his element. And Batman? Well, like any Florida man wrestling with their local wildlife: he's doing his best. His sluggish movements are showing how much the cape and his weaponry are weighing him down.

Considering my options, I make the dumbest split second decision of my life: I ask for help. Diving under the oncoming waves, I gesture towards King Shark with as much pleading as I can muster. I don't speak Shark, but I motion to my fanny back to insinuate their would be more fish ahead. Nananue slowly nods his head before circling the water around me.

For a second, I think my life is over. Maybe my parents were right to throw a fit when I announced my acceptance into Gotham U. I'm sure Metropolis Lifeguards’ don't have to make bargains with their local trespassing aquatic life.

To my relief, King Shark doesn't bite my head off. With an impatient shimmy, he waits for me to hold on. I shrug before crawling on his back. We cut through the waves with such ease that I find myself in awe of the cartilaginous fish. If I swam like that, I would bum off Oswald Cobblepot too. The Riddler and his life raft tug loosely behind due to the harness around my waist.

Checking my watch, I frown.

Tyler was supposed to take me off stand ten minutes ago. That bastard. From the empty pool deck, I bet he left work early again... for the 3rd time this week.

Speeding past the giant iceberg in the center of the pool, King Shark reluctantly slows down once we near the frail looking teenager. Before I can hoist the kid up, Nananue eyes the young boy with interest.

"Don't even think about it. If you eat Robin, I have to explain to Cobblepot how you've been staying here for months without paying for a membership."

With an exaggerated sigh, the Shark man allows me to hull the kid half way out of the water. Somehow, Robins mask managed to stay on during the kerfuffle. His wet black hair sticks to his forehead. He's got a pulse. He's breathing. Reaching the pool deck, Robin’s limp form is proving ridiculously lofty to move.

Across the pool deck, Batman somehow managed to tranquilize Killer Croc. His damp armor makes a hilarious ~squish~ noise with every step. Eddie sprawls on his back muttering something I assume to be riddle associated. Robin's starting to regain color.

Thank goodness, I didn't have to do CPR; I do not want to be the one responsible for breaking the Boy Wonders ribs.

One eye flutters open, then the other. The intensity of his blue eyes catches me off guard.

"Instead of saving my life," He rasps with a mischievous grin, "Can you save my phone number?"

Very original.

I briefly consider shoving him back into the pool. If I hadn't spent the last 20 minutes trying to save his life, I would have. Instead of responding, I make eye contact with his Guardian.

"I'm going to need to ask you two to leave." I elaborate gesturing to my watch, "The pool closes at 9."

[warp-au]

WHY HAS NOBODY ASKED ANYTHING!?!?

Bill.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE!?

Bill calm down.

AREN'T WE INTERESTING ENOUGH FOR THESE LOWLIFES!?-

BILL SHUT UP. It hasn't even been 24 hours yet, be grateful we've gotten any likes.

But I'm bored. You said these people found me interesting.

Yeah I also said there's millions of people out there so slow your roll and chill out, questions will come in for us soon, in the meantime how about we tell some of our stories? I know you enjoy that.

...very well blue, oh I got a good one! How about the time when you went to the Slasher universe and got into MAJOR beef with Ghostface?

I remember that, fond memories, I remember I believe I was actually hanging out with Sid so it must've been Scream 1.

Yeah it was, I already knew that!

You remembered that?

You knocked out Stu and forced him to watch the FNAF movie, how can I forget that?

....

You forgot that part didn't you?

Well sorry it's hard to recall anything past getting smashed over the head with a dining room chair and throwing Billy and Randy out of a window. Macher and Loomis are lucky I didn't let Sid kill them like in the canon.

I still don't understand why you let them all live, it would've been so fun to burn the place down.

They'll live to suffer more agony then their deaths would've brought to them. Plus nothing was better than watching Myers throw Loomis like a ragdoll. :)

Or the looks on their faces when they saw me!

That too. I haven't been checking in on things over there lately, I hope everything is fine.

Don't worry blue I've been filling in for ya!

...Bill what have I said about showing up at the asylum?

BUT THEIR FACES!-

God what am I gonna do with you..

:)

Well I guess to explain to the reader what exactly "the asylum" is-

Blue and I collect insane people like you humans collect Pokemon!

After the gates started opening Afterlife was dealing with a very strong wave of killers and the amount of deaths was causing mass hysteria so me along with the rest of the deities decided to capture and contain these anomalous beings, from creepypastas to serial killers, Dahlia Asylum is one of the things that keeps our worlds safe, think Arkham Asylum meets SCP foundation.

And blue is in charge of the asylum and the task forces sent out to capture them all!

Bill himself was once a resident of the asylum, one of the more problematic ones at that, another reason he's with me.

Let's not talk about that right now k blue?

Yeah, another time Bill..

I'm gonna go check on dinner or annoy pinetree or something.

I thought you wanted to talk to people?

Maybe next time.

Very well then, we'll be going now, enjoy your life till next time dear reader and goodbye!<3